I go by every day and am blamed for everything just about, maybe it is all my fault. I do most of things as far as trash and few crumbs. I also sometimes break stuff not meaning to. My mom is always mad at me and it makes me wonder have I done something to cause this suffering of mine. I go on all day getting yelled at constantly. I am always put down and stuff. I wonder am I to blame for why everyone is mad at me around here. I've got no friends around me to hangout with. I never get to go anywhere. I am always stressed out and depressed. I am always yelled at by my mom and everyone is always angry towards me around here. I don't believe i'm innocent anymore. I may be the cause of all the stress. I just simply don't feel the love from my mom and if I can't feel it there then how can I be sure she loves me. Same goes for my brother. I have had enough. Tell me if I am to blame. If there is a reason for everything good and bad. Why is life like this. I used to be happier. I need love. Blood may be what I need to live as well. The most important thing to my survival in this suffering is love. I am feeling as if I am the cause of my suffering. One day ruined my life and I fear I have made it all worse. I fear to be around the people of this world now. I wonder if I am even sane anymore and what do people think about me when they see me. I leave it all to be where it is. If I try anymore to fix things it will only make things worse.
Friday, September 25, 2009
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
What is right
What is right. Listen to the one who causes my suffering, or what i think is right. I listen when I know its right. I'm told what I do is wrong. I am never praised or even encouraged. My life went down the drain. One day led to this, I choose to believe God has a reason for this. What reason could my suffering have. I await my victory, maybe my victory will make it all worth it. You know I want love and encouragement. I never get the things that really matter. You give me the things I need and thats not even all the things I need. When I do something for you now, you do say thank you, but only cause I said something.You do it for the wrong reasons. You don't mean what you say, I am a boy wanting the love I do deserve! You don't give me that and I don't understand. I want you to tell me why, why you are so mean and such a bitch. I'd love to kick your ass. Nothing matters when I have a problem, but when you do or my brother or your damned bf does then its important. You only do something to shut me up. All the wrong reasons. I am sick of this violence and arguing. I want peace. What is right! What is right! What is right! What is right! I have had a enough. Do not blind me. I know your not always right. I am right sometimes.You shove my imperfections in my face, but when i show you yours you only tell me to shut up and then jump back on me. I have had enough. What is right? It damn well is not the shit you put me through.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Lay it down
I don't care what you think of me or other people. You say I should, well I don't. Fuck off, I don't care if I am only a kid, your a heartless human or so it seems. You call yourself a mother and yet you don't show your love. You argue I am just a kid and that I can't talk to you disrespectfully. You lost my respect, and if thats what it takes to get peace i'll keep telling you your not always right or to just calm down that if you didn't do this so much you wouldn't be stressed out. I love you and I will always love you, but you leave me with a unsettling about you. I am a kid yes, but I have the rights you do. Don't get in my face. I can be right and wrong. You never admit when your wrong little miss perfect. Mom let it all go you damn bitch. I blame you for my suffering. I live here with you and my life is hell. You are only here cause it would look bad if you didn't take me. I love you. Where is your love now. Your nicer to the cats than me. You crazy old cat lady haha. Lay it down, tell me why your like this. Don't you dare blame it all on me, your mad at me even when someone else makes u mad. You take it all out on me.Lay it down and lets talk, I want to, but you fight back when I try to have a calm agreement. My bro your a jackass and always have hurt me. Even if you know I am right you still go against me no matter what. Mom's bf is always out of my way till I get into it with my mom. Then he jumps in and well if I do disrespect him or argue back he might hit me with his fist like last time. You shoot down the peacemaker you assholes. Your egos are huge.I want peace and now I wait.I wait for when your ready for peace or I wonder if you ever will. I only talk badly to you all when you are talking to me in a bad tone. Don't ever say i'm the issue. You made my life a living hell in a way. I'm waiting to make peace.
Friday, September 18, 2009
Is it you or I that is fucked up
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Sleeping on track?
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Roses for the end
Life of love
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Pierced to regeneration
Monday, September 14, 2009
One day
Better days
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Let me be Free
The wounds I bear come open once more and I feel the pain as I relive those days. Broken dreams and hurtful events cloud up my past. The good things I remember seem so distant. The world has changed and I can't even bear it. I wanted to die, but now I want to survive. I need friends to survive and especially love, I wanna know, can I fix my life.
Look at my life. This is life is hell, I want to get out, I want to be FREE. I came from love into darkness, as you follow close behind me. I want to get out of here, I see that there's darkness everywhere. I go though this horrible life enduring this pain, I go on with all this pain and I felt like I would die. I found some reasons why i should live. These reasons are ppl that i'm glad I met. These people helped me through these hard times. They care about me and I am on a search for love. I will tell you what I find. This begins My search for love.
The wounds I bear come open once more and I feel the pain as I relive those days. Broken dreams and hurtful events cloud up my past. The good things I remember seem so distant. The world has changed and I can't even bear it. I wanted to die, but now I want to survive. I need friends to survive and especially love, I wanna know, can I fix my life.
I found love once MORE! Let me be free, let me see now, the life i was missing out. There's nothing that i'd trade for my freedom. You say when i leave i'll be the happiest boy in the world.I hope your right, I wish it to be true.I question if the day will come. I wonder if your right. Could my life be free. I choose now to believe you, please don't let me down. Just let me be FREE. Just let me, just let me beeeee freeee.
The wounds I bear come open once more and I feel the pain as I relive those days. Broken dreams and hurtful events cloud up my past. The good things I remember seem so distant. The world has changed and I can't even bear it. I wanted to die, but now I want to survive. I need friends to survive and especially love, I wanna know, can I fix my life.
I know with this new found love I Can fix my life, I can survive. I will win this war and be set free. I have this love and care that I needed to get through this. I will win , I will survive. Nothing will stand in my way. I know i can get through this, I have the love I needed, so my heart goes on again. I wonder how far I should go. I guess it doesn't matter. I just have to say though. let me be free, let me beee freeeeeeeeee.