Saturday, January 30, 2010

How i feel about my mom (she loves me not by papa roach)

Just a song and a pic of me posing the song is about how I feel about my mom and sometimes I feel I could end the relationship and` not be her son anymore I don't feel she is much of a mom.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

I swear I dont' care

I try to make it through my life in my way is you. I don't care if you die or live at the moment. I swear I don't care. I try to make you see my side and yet you don't. All I hear is your nagging and bitching. I don't care what you think of me or anything. Get back on the drugs you were better then. My last memory of you when it was happyish I was sitting in your lap at your work. My dad and his gf came and wanted me to come back they didn't me spending the night with you. They got the cops and everything. Gun threats and all. Though before that it was fun I remember you told me you love me. I didnt talk to you for months after that and I cried, because they wouldn't let us talk. They said you were this and that I however, didn't believe them. I realize now they were right and your wrong. I was an innocent boy till you come round and show me your unloving attitude. I wanna say that I don't care what you think of me anymore! I am gonna leave you behind. I know you had ahardlife and that is no reason to make my life depressing. Your in my way and I am. If you were dead I wouldn't love you like I used to. I am not your little boy anymore and haven't been in awhile. I am your enemy. I swear I don't care what you say. I will leave you behind and betetr my life. I don't care what you sya and I promise you I will not stay. I will better off with out you... my family I am better off with out them. I say about the regret you will have after while of me gone. I say to that. I DON'T CARE!

Monday, January 18, 2010

Kick it

I throw you outta my mind when I listen to music cause now I am relaxed. I kick you from my mind. I am here to say screw you!. My bro the anti social lazy bum and my bithcing mom. I throw them from my thoughts when listening to music unless it's a song that directs my anger towards them. Which gets my fustrationm. Right now my back and neck hurt as always and I don;t feel like doing anything . I just woke up 3hrs ago almost. I had some dreams one of my dad. I feel as if there is a reason. I wont search for it, because I know it will come to me. I say now never sleep on a couch. I leave you with a word of care and that is Thank you for coming and please stay with me and my blog.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Fuck your assumptions

I never know what you want from me, I don't understand. I get blamed for things I d and don't do it. The thing is you already assume its me. Assuming I did it you ask me and I say no. That makes you believe I did it more cause you say I never admit to anything. I have lately admitted to stuf I have done. That didn't change a thing and you knew it wasn't that. I did what you wanted and your not pleased. I am done trying to please you and I gotta say your an ungreatful bitch. I choose to believe my blog friends who tell me how good I am instead of how bad and they never yell at me. You got issues bitch and I dont know how, but somehow your gonna have shut the fuck up and leave it alone. Your assumption sare hasty and your not very perfect yourself you bitch. I know how much of a good mother you were when you were on drugs and since you got off drugs you are nowhere near even being another. Your not a even mother to me in my opinion. Your just some crazy bitch I have to put up with for a little while.

Friday, January 15, 2010

The purpose

When you are young you see the world as a great place and have not a care in the world. Then you grow up and see the place for what it is. ( this is written by a friend of mine on blogger his blog is called demon lion's blog) You soon search for a purpose in life and want to be useful. You search and search for your purpose so you can fulfill it and without a purpose in life you might as well already be dead. We convince ourselves of these things that are our purpose in life, when they may turn off to be the wrong one. We continue searching with a itching depression knocking at our hearts and we try to cope with it. We want our purpose in life, our purpose to live. The usefulness of ourselves is what we yourn for and we want people to care about us and love us. Then theres the love we want the one love we need more than anything in the world, The one thing we would forever search for as well as our purpose in life and it seems to be hard to find, but it is not impossible. We can make it in life and find our treasures and live our life in happiness. I know I can find the 2 things I search for so dearly. A BF and my purpose in life. The purpose I believe for me is helping others and caring for them. The one person I would risk it all for maybe they are just under my nose and maybe not. As the lryics of a song says " I'd fight for you" and when I know who the true person is to be my bf a real bf a bf in physical sense. I know I will fight for them and I could meet them anywhere and maybe I have already met them. I search and wish my search would end. The search however is the easiest part. The hard part is fighting for that person and showing them how much you'd do for them. Wait actually that is the easy part. The hard part is not falling for the fake ones.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

I want you to stop bringing it up

I am tired of my brother trying to spy on me like he is a little kid and tell my mom what I do which starts arguing then he gets mad at me for getting mad. This isdriving me insane, I want to kick some ass and tear his world inside out. I don't understand why he has to be so annoying and start getting me mad. He starts a fuse and it gets me angry and him angry. Is this a game to him or what no matter what I say he puts the blame back on me and this is making me go insane. I can't take this anymore nobody here cares about how I feel and when I get out of here I have one thing left to say and that is Don't follow me or track me down and remember the pain you caused me. I shall leave in victor yas they get angry with my last words to them and I am to be in freedom of this chaos when they still live in their own BS.

Cam pics

felt like doing a few

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Reason to live

Thank you all so much for your love I mean wow your so nice I never thought I would meet such people with such big hearts.

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Wednesday, January 6, 2010