Sunday, February 21, 2010
Today I hear about kids and talk to them who all say they have bad fathers and good mothers. I don't understand how a father could be so bad... compared to my life their opposite of me. I have bad mom and a good father. I don't wish them to die without having a good father. I know what good father is like and I wish they could have them too. These mothers... I have no fuckin clue what makes them so great. These kids could say the same about my dad. My dad was loving and caring for me and I miss him so much. Idon't understand how a father can be so bad. I think they need to step the fuck up and be a damn loving father! I don't give a shit whats going on in your lives you assholes. You have a kid and their your responsibility. You should love them and care for them. Not be abusive and unlvoing. Don't be uncaring... be the father you should be. Loving and caring. be accepting of your kids and don't let go. Love them not hurt them.
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Today febuary 14, 2010 is the two year aniversary of the day my dad passed away. I miss him so much and it seems like yesterday I was just sitting round with him watching tv happily. I look at the day he died and I remember hearing the news in my principal's office and I sat there stunned. I had to cry and I could not do it around everyone there. I got to my new home... and I cried my eyes out. I lost my father... the man who raised me and loved me more than anyone I knew. I think to this day how my life could have been if it never changed. I see that the house would have been lost and everything. I still would have had my dad and that is all that matters. I would love him always and no matter what I will never stop. It seems so silly to think I would live in a roach infested house living off church bringing us food. I wanted to stay there with my dad for two reasons. One e was my dad and I loved him so dearly that I would take care of him in his sick conditions. Two I was happy with my life. I love that I have friends here and I still wonder why god would make my life like this. It seems that the friends I made here helped me through eevrything and even though i question religion now. Thank god for you all. Thank you all for your help and love and care. I love you all. My life goes on on this earth and it is cause of you all, my friends who have been with me this far and continue. Love in me is all I need.
Saturday, February 13, 2010
I gave my life to help people and care about them I showed them compassion and love. I get nothing in return atleast not something that lasts. I instead end up depressed again and rewardless for my efforts and friendship. Why do I do these things and yet im always punished and put in this mess. Is there a damn god. I am here and I say I am tired of it and I don't know what anyone wants anymore. They all get to be happy and I don't IT IS NOT FAIR! Why am I left. how come I am left suffering? Why am I so hard to love? Well this don't make sense. I helped so much I gave so much. What the hell is it with this world that hates me so much! I am just an outcast... help me... I wanna be happy even though it never stays. I wanna be happy, but it just isnt in my favor to have a happy life.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
How is religion truthful anymore when you have so many beliefs. It is corrupted by man and people have twisted god's word. How can it be said this is the truth. The truth lies within god they say. Ask god and he will answer. They say talk to god and you will know the truth. If god is there and cares why did he take my dad... why did he put me in this mess. Why do I have to suffer and watch people be happy. Sure I have friends and no offense... but, no matter how many friends I have it can't compare to my dad. I want a way out I have tried praying. I get nothing of an answer. You expect me to believe there are miracles... I will believe you when I get the hell out of here. I don't know what you want me to do! I will not freaking take your lies anymore. I want the truth and tell me now. Is this so called fucking religion real or fake. Tell me is my dad even happily in heaven... or just gone forever. Will I ever see him again or is this so called religion a lie. I believe in love and being good are we here to worship god or live our lives tell me the answers someone. I want them and I hate hearing you don't have the answers. I am begging for the answers and do not tell me the I have to ask god bull. I want the truth.